For anyone who read my recent article for the Weekly Wipe, you are well aware of how irritated I get with the government. Well, last Friday was one of those days where I wanted to blow up some government building. If I wasn’t so much against killing people, I think I would have at least thought really hard about it. Of course, when I really came down to it, I would have pussed out, because I happen to have this insane fear of being ass raped in prison, but still. It would be cool if the government would wake the fuck up. Seriously.
Anyway, here’s how the story goes… A buddy and me decide to go get ourselves some lunch. He wants to go get Indian food, which I fucking hate. Since I’m a nice guy, I tell him that I’ll go eat baby vomit with him, and I’ll just suck it up. On the way there, he tells me a story…
“Dude, get this! This will really piss you off. You know how you get junkmail all the time and you just throw it in a stack on your counter? Then every couple of months you go through it?”
I agree. Junk mail is retarded, and I get a lot of it. I assume that this is what he thinks is going to piss me off, so I start to say something about it killing trees for no reason, but he interrupts…
“No, get this. I am going through a big stack of junk, and I come across this letter. It’s completely blank, so I have no idea what’s inside, but it’s postmarked from two months ago. I opened up the letter and it was from the DMV. It said that ‘In accordance with Ohio law, the DMV is required to select people at random for a insurance check. Please mail back proof that you had car insurance on this day: 9/12/2007. If you fail to provide proof that you have valid insurance on that day, your license will be suspended.’”
My fucking jaw drops. There is no fucking way that the government can do this! They can’t suspend his license because he didn’t open a fucking letter! He didn’t do anything wrong! He really did have insurance that day, but regardless, they didn’t catch him doing anything! They would have to catch him, right? In fact, first they’d have to prove that he drove that day, then they’d have to prove that he didn’t have insurance! And he did have insurance! What a crock of shit!
“HeHe, yeah. So I just mailed them all the shit, but I might be driving illegally!”
We are now pulling into the restaurant, and I assure him that they can’t suspend your licence when he didn’t do anything wrong. We go and eat, with me mostly having water and cucumbers with salt on them. Everything else was fucking gross. When lunch is over, we go to the car and start driving back. We make it about two fucking blocks before the cops pull us over.
Mind you, that my buddy has never lapsed on his insurance. The cop didn’t care about that. All he cared about is that my buddy was driving under a suspended license. Do you know what cops do about that shit? They take you directly to jail. Know what they do with your car? They tow it. Know what they do with your friend who is sitting in the passenger seat? They leave him on the side of the road. I guess that sometimes they give the passenger a ride, but this specific passenger [me] was fucking livid. I’m actually really lucky that I didn’t end up going to jail with him.
Long story short, I knew a chick that worked up the street, so I called her and had her drive me to my car. I then drove the the police station and spent $350 to bail out my friend WHO DID NOTHING WRONG. The cops were pretty nice to him (except for the whole arresting him thing) and told him that while they hadn’t ever heard of anything like this, that they were sure that the judge would drop all charges, although he isn’t allowed to drive until his hearing. Why? Because he did nothing wrong. Meanwhile, he’s out $120 for the tow, I’m out $350 for bail, and I have this bitch who gave me the ride calling me to ask what I’m doing tonight. All because there is some apparent gay law on the books that says the DMV can randomly fuck over people.