There is either something wrong with me, or something wrong with the average American. If you look to the left, you’ll see the results of the New Hampshire Primary. Let’s start with the Republicans. My first choice over there is Ron Paul. That dude rocks ass. He’s all about limiting the power of the federal government. Hells, yeah! Ron Paul got a whopping 8%. It’s like a joke. Are the voters retarded? I don’t have much against McCain and shit, but he’s no Ron Paul. I’ve written on here about how much I respect McCain, but respect and $5 can get me a cup of coffee.

Now, for the tax-and-spenders. I have no idea where to start. They all make me sick for the most part. Still, if I had to pick one, it would be Dennis Kucinich. That dude is a pimp. He’s got a smoking hot wife, and I have yet to see anyone put him in his place. He’s the man. I’ll admit that Obama has charisma, but then again so did Hitler. Charisma gets votes, but it doesn’t lead a country. Richardson is a fucking retard. Just watch him in a debate and you’ll be sitting there wondering why the fuck he is there.

And this brings me to Clinton. I really do understand the paradox of a woman in power. If she is nice, people think she is weak. If she is assertive, people call her a bitch. With Hillary Clinton, I have no idea what we have, but she sure scares the fuck out of me.

I don’t really care who the fuck wins this election, as long as it’s not Hillary. Simple fact is that she would never be where she is if she hadn’t been married to Bill. Being married to a president doesn’t make your qualified to be president.

The other day, I happened upon a picture of Princess Diana. I should be used to seeing her, since she is probably the most photographed person ever, but I don’t really think I had ever really looked at her. In the grand scheme of things, she really wasn’t all that good looking. Sure, she was pretty… but she wasn’t beautiful. I don’t mean to speak ill of the dead. She did many wonderful things in her life, and should be an example to rich, jobless beauties everywhere. For sure, she’s a hell of a lot better person than the number two most photographed person. (I’m looking at you, Paris. Get of your ass and do some good for the world.) But anyway, my point is that she wasn’t that hot.

We’re all aware of the stereotype that English people are fucked up looking. I mean, look at Prince Charles. They are known for being pale and having fucked up teeth. Sure, their accents are charming and all, but looks are pretty damn important. It’s no shocker that they would worship Di– She was the prettiest pebble in the pile. Still though, I never really bought into this belief. Sure, they had some fucked up looking people, but it isn’t fair to say that the majority of them are fucked up looking. Even given exhibit 1: Amy Winehouse.

Side story… My kids are in town, and I wanted to take them to see a movie (Some of you might remember the editorial I wrote based on when I took them to see Happy Feet). That Golden Compass movie looked pretty kid-friendly, but when I looked it up it was PG-13. This kind of shocked me, cause it looked a lot like the previews for The Chronicles of Narnia. Regardless, with all the drama I had this holiday I didn’t have time to get the kids to the movies. I did, however, realize that I hadn’t actually seen The Chronicles of Narnia, so I rented it from the internet. We watched it tonight, and I think I have changed my mind about British people. They are fucked up looking.

Since I always avoid posting pictures of minors on these porn-friendly sites, I don’t have any visual aids to assist me. Still, if you Google Chronicles of Narnia you’ll see exactly what I mean. I have only three possible solutions as to how those kids got the part:

1. The casting department is blind, and didn’t realize that the kids they hired are the ugliest ghosts in the world. They only hired on acting ability (which was pretty good) and just managed to luck out with the older kid being kinds good looking.

2. The director intentionally hired ass-ugly people to play in the movie so the characters would blend in more to the freakish characters in the flick.

3. Three-quarters of British people are ugly as sin and look like they’ve been locked in a basement for their entire lives. Therefore, it’s almost impossible to hire four attractive kids to star in your movie.

I’m really leaning toward the third option here.

I was sitting around with my dad today, watching House. If I’m not drinking on Tuesday, (which is usually a drinking night for me) I try to watch that show with him. For starters, it’s a good fucking show. Second, my dad loves it. Finally, I don’t get to spend enough time with the old man. But anyway, it’s around the end of the show, and it’s a commercial. They start plugging the evening news, and lead with the headline, “Middle school principal dies in the dentist’s chair!“

My father, God love him, yells. “Who cares?”

While I didn’t exactly agree with his reaction, I do have to admit I was kind of annoyed by it. The thought that someone died during a regular root canal freaks me out. It’s an interesting story, to be sure. What pissed me off is that they have to use the woman’s profession to sensationalize it. Isn’t the story interesting enough, regardless of what she does for a living? What difference does it make that she’s a principal?

The whole thing puts a value on a person’s life. Apparently, a principal dying in a dentist’s chair is sadder than a mechanic or street sweeper. I really hope that when I die, my memory isn’t reduced to how I made a living.

Correlation and causation. It’s some pretty important shit, that most people don’t understand. Correlation is the degree which two events are connected. Causation is the relationship between the two, where one of the events only exists because of the other event. That is, one event causes the other one. Just because two events are correlated, doesn’t mean that there is causation. Still, for some fucking reason society keeps confusing correlation with causation.

Case in point. A study was done a long time ago that noticed that there was a very close correlation between sales of ice cream and violent crime. It seemed that whenever a city was in the middle of a crime spree, people bought more ice cream. Was it something to relax them from their fears that they might be a victim? Was there something in the ice cream that made people want to hurt each other? Nope. As it turns out, the connection between the two is the temperature outside. When it’s hotter outside, people but more ice cream. They also get hot and cranky and beat the shit out of each other. Go fucking figure. Correlation, without causation.

The same shit is happening today with phenomenon of Online Gamers. It is ending up that more and more of these nut bags who are shooting up places and killing their kids, are all players of World of Warcraft. So, obviously what are they assuming? Of course, they’re assuming that playing WoW causes you to kill people.

Once again, we have a causation error. World of Warcraft doesn’t make you kill people. Being a loser that is out of touch with reality makes you want to kill people. As it just so happens, losers that are out of touch with the world happen to be the same type of people that like WoW. The causation, is from them being dorks. Just look at this kid above. He’s the loser who killed “Baby Grace.” WoW didn’t do this to him. His parents did.

Please people, stop being dorks.